Letter from God

Apparently God thought my blog was the best place to put this. I'm guessing he was stoned again, but whatever.

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To All That This Concerns:
Hi. I'm God. I'm a bit busy now, so I'll try to make this quick. As a preface, if you're reading this a thousand years or more from now, stop reading it and just use some common sense. Good. Now that that's out of the way, I've got a few points I need to cover:

• Stop speaking for me — You read way too far into things and you're screwing up the message. Don't improvise, don't make it modern, and if someone doesn't believe the way you do, it is perfectly ok. In fact, I don't even care if people believe in me—they don't have to. Also, leaders of megachurches and centralized religions: stop abusing these people—you're stealing their money, and you know better. I know why you do it, and I know about the crap that's happened and not happened in your childhoods, and I understand, That said, please do me this one favor: stop. Just...stop. All of it.
  
• There is no afterlife hell — I have no idea where you people got this from. To think you'd even think that angels would ever stand idly by, truly able to help while other people suffered—regardless of the reason—well, that truly astounds me, and it shows a profound misunderstanding of just what, exactly, is "good" or "evil" and what, exactly, angels are.
  
• Don't worship me — I don't want to be thanked, remembered, died-for, or anything else. Just... just don't. Pretend I don't exist. In fact, if you really want a way to make me happy, truly do some good despite consciously believing there's no god and no reward coming because of it. It's the purest form of good that's even able to be done.
  
• I'm not all-knowing, all-wise, all-powerful, or anything else — Oh, and don't be idiots—even I'm not sure if there's something even greater than me out there, so I'd completely understand if you doubt my existence. Again, that's totally fine.
  
• You were all born happy — Everything from there on is entirely a product of society and from your upbringing, which was largely out of your hands and almost entirely in the hands of your parents and those surrounding you. I should note that you won't—in any way—be punished for how you turned out and the circumstances of your lives. Instead, realize only this: while there's no afterlife version of hell, you're obviously still free to create your own "hell" complete with demons. I say "obviously," because apparently you've already gone and done that, sadly.
  
• Don't worry about religion — Try this: first look around you, Now, look at everything that's not around you. Don't get it yet? Here's a hint: you're screwing up the former because you're spending too much time worrying about the latter.

Oh and trash the Bible and all the other holy books. They're corrupted, outdated, and while there are some valid parts, the fact that they've been so heavily tampered with and abused through rhetoric negates what would have presumably been "divinity," at least, as far as I'm concerned. Reference them, by all means, if you so desire, but don't take them literally nor as my word.

Hmm...oh, and of course, when in doubt, smoke marijuana. It's there for a reason, and it grows everywhere for a reason, and it affects you in the way it affects you for a reason, and it's impossible for any human to overdose on it for a reason. I'm not quite sure why some of you thought I made a mistake on this (and therefore thought it'd be a good idea to make it illegal), but doing so forced me to write this letter because you were about to destroy yourselves in wake of the ramifications of outlawing such a critical plant. You might as well have outlawed oxygen—it was that stupid of a decision. I mean, I normally don't say things this candidly, but that really kind of pissed me off—especially when you started slicing wings off of angels by throwing them in jail because of your stupidity. You people are freaking idiots sometimes, you know that? It frustrates me so much because you're all just so...ugh! ...but I still love you, because I know you don't understand. You could never understand, and I would never be able to make you understand without destroying what you are. Above all, I'd never want to make you into me—nobody should have to carry that burden.

So yeah... toss the holy books. I know a lot of you will freak out, but don't panic. I've got you covered.

I say that, but then I realize that you'll just figure out a way to screw it up again, won't you? Hmm...ok, then...

If you need something solid—something to live by—then live by this: Just be excellent to each other.

Best wishes,
-G