After watching the most recent Penn and Teller: Bullshit! episode about how the legal system is out of control, I created a new test both for lawmakers to gauge the sanity of laws and for the justice system to gauge whether or not they should enforce them. I figured that with the success of the What Would Jesus Do (WWJD) campaign, I could launch a spin-off with aspirations of attaining equal success. Thus, I propose the following: "What If Jesus Did... (WIJD)". It goes a little something like this:
Say you're a lawmaker and you've got a bill. You want to know whether it would be a good idea to try to turn it into a law. Ask yourself What If Jesus Did...the thing you're about to criminalize. Would it then be sufficient grounds to put Jesus in jail for committing the crime. If you wouldn't be okay with putting Jesus in jail for breaking that law, then the law is inappropriate and should thus be either pigeonholed (and thus never made into a law) or repealed (if it somehow already became a law).
The same process goes for a cop faced with whether to arrest someone for a certain crime, or a district attorney faced with the decision of whether to prosecute someone for a given violation of the law. Judges can even apply it when it comes to sentencing.
Some examples of the application of the WIJD principle:
- Rape—Is it okay to send someone to jail for raping someone else? What if Jesus raped someone? Yeah, I think son of God or not, Jesus should go to jail for raping someone. Thus, laws against rape are valid.
- Theft—Even though it'd be kind of weird, I'd say it'd be okay to jail Jesus for theft in certain situations. If he's stealing to eat because he's starving, then by all means, let the man have food, but if it's stealing a car to increase his street cred, then jail Jesus. Then again, if Jesus was stealing a car because someone was dying and he needed to get them to a hospital, then it wouldn't be right to jail Jesus. Thus, laws against most types of theft are valid.
- Drug possession—Here's one where you really can't justify jailing Jesus. If Jesus and his twelve friends gather together and get high, don't hurt anyone, and watch Family Guy reruns in the privacy of their own home, how, on earth, could you justify throwing on some SWAT gear, breaking down Jesus's door, and sending him off to jail? It's absurd. He's professing peace and happiness, volunteering to help the weak and sickly, and you want to throw him in jail for getting high? Insane. Thus, laws against marijuana possession are not valid.
- Speeding—Say Jesus was cruising down the highway (sober) and he happened to be going 15 over the speed limit. Interestingly, this is a case where at least in Texas, both WIJD and the law say that it would be silly to put Jesus in jail for breaking it. So, a law where speeding, alone, lands you in jail would be not valid.
- Prosecutorial misconduct—Say Jesus had a job as a prosecutor and conveniently suppressed or ignored evidence that would otherwise prevent an innocent man from going to jail. Would it be okay to jail Jesus? You bet. Jesus would never do such a thing, but if he did, by all means, throw the jerk in jail for life. Thus, a law jailing prosecutors for life in cases of prosecutorial misconduct would be valid.
There. Problem solved. :P
