Never Censored

I heard this movie was going to be some sort of sci-fi film, so I went in with low expectations of nerd humor, average directing, average writing, and some silly twist. At worst, I'd be Villaged. Alas, even my low expectations for movies could not prepare me for this crapfest. Mind you, this is coming from someone who can always find something fun, silly, or stupid about a movie and still walk away and go, "meh, it wasn't that bad." The Golden Compass, however, has redefined the world as I know it.

I think this is how it went down in the writing room:

Larry: silence... typing on the keyboard
Curly: silence... writing
Mo: silence... brainstorming

All silence. Why? Because if they would have talked, they would have realized that I, as well as my friend, heard the phrase "ball sac" at least a dozen times. I honestly don't know to what they were referring, but I think it was a city of some sort. I was laughing too frequently at its occurrence to figure it out.

On top of that, there was another memorable zinger uttered by some polar bear: "you want to— ride me?" By that point, I had already been primed by the thought of traveling to a city of "ball sacs" that I lost it when I heard one about "riding me." Clearly, these writers were retards.

It gets better.

So as of today, Australia has now ratified the Kyoto Protocol— the thing that tells countries to progressively limit their carbon emissions. You know... so we don't all boil.

Anyway, that now makes 91% percent of the world. A few countries haven't even said anything about it, but one has vehemently denied even considering it: The United States of America. Yep, the US is the only country in the world that has overtly said, "fuck off" to the United Nations.

Of those who haven't taken a stance yet, well, I'll give you some of the highlights: