Never Censored

Yep, it's that time of year again-- usin' and abusin' time: 2006 edition. Sure as always, I didn't learn my lesson, and sure as always, I got buttsecks'ed.

I suppose, though, that it's not nearly as bad this time around. I wasn't expecting much, and I made it a point not to invest so much this time around, either.

Oh well.... can't win 'em all-- well, fuck, can't win even some of ‘em, but at least it's becoming more regularly predictable. It's now perfectly clear to me that once June of each year rolls around, I need to find a cave in which to sit and hide until November. It seems once Halloween marks the end of October, most of the shitstorm tends to be over.

Maybe I could gather up food during the late winter and early spring months, consume most of it in late spring, and live off the resultant blubber for the ensuing five months. You know, kind of like a bear would do in the winter… except I’d be a summer bear instead.

I suppose the simple solution is to learn from my mistake and move on. But, when you realize that the only mistake you made was at its very root being nice, it makes it kind of pointless to disown your last iota of humanity in order to prevent it from getting the best of you. Could I simply turn selfish? Maybe… after all, most other people in the world have no problem with it, but something tells me it would be more difficult to lose that which makes me different from the bottom 99.9% percent of the population—not to mention, it’d be fairly unrewarding. Moreover, it’d lower me, and make all the shit-taking for nothing.

Part of me wishes that the whole world could see people from my perspective, for then they’d be able to see what douches everyone seems to be to each other. They’d be able to feel the drops of depression that fall within me when I meet most people for the first time. They’d feel the curse of being able to be able to see right to the proverbial souls of people and try to keep a smiling face despite it all. Perhaps they might even appreciate the elation that explodes within me whenever that one in a thousand comes around who truly shines a joyful inner light, only to be once again depressed at its all too obvious fleeting rarity, and to once again be surrounded by a void of seemingly endless darkness, growing ever-weary of your own candle’s slow retreat from the surrounding emptiness’s intimidating approach. They’d shed tears not for the plights of themselves but for the plights of others. They’d take the weight of the world upon their shoulders without either a place to put it or a friend with whom to share it in sight. In the end, they’d be flailing their arms at the blind, shouting at the deaf, and hearing the screams from the mute.

Of course, I can’t ever want to wish that upon anyone, because in the end, it simply ruins the fun of it all. Knowing more might make you happier, but understanding more will always make you sadder.

So instead of letting it all get to me, maybe I’ll simply believe in just world theory, except not in the mystical and spiritual way in which most people seem to believe it. Rather, I’ll allow all of those selfish, manipulative traits—those that embolden the seemingly-empowered to nonchalantly and wantonly discard the seemingly-unempowered—to naturally compliment the inevitable implosion of the bad in the faces of the good.

Perhaps in the end everything really will work out for the better, and I’ll be able to look back on it all with a hardy chuckle and realize that there was never anything to fear from the darkness, for as long as my own inner candle had shown bright enough for me to see through it all, I was never at risk of losing my way on my path toward finding the candles of others like me—others who were just as desperate and as eagerly longing for illumination in a world void of light.

I've realized that as of late, many anti-theft devices seem not to work too well. Car alarms are particularly shitty, so I decided to brainstorm a few replacements for common security devices:

I’ve been spending a little while thinking about certain things that have gone wrong in society, and I’ve been looking for possible reasons that they have occurred. In particular, I have been trying to ascertain why things like school shootings, gang violence, and increased drug use tend to occur here, but rarely in other countries. Only recently has this trend seemed to present itself, so I attempted to examine possible simple causes for such a rapid degradation in condition, and I found one staggeringly obvious, blazingly counterintuitive source of all evil: trying to do good.